Ways to Cope with Infertility When Everyone Is Expecting

Understanding the Emotional Toll of Infertility

Although the subject of infertility is more out in the open than it has been in decades past, the struggle many endure to conceive is still one of those things that society still doesn’t like to discuss. Furthermore, levels of awareness and stigma can vary between people of different cultural, religious, and social backgrounds.¹ People struggling with infertility can feel excruciatingly isolated and alone, even though, nearly 15 percent of couples who want to get pregnant struggle to do so.² Women often bear the brunt of the social stigma, even though male infertility and totally unknown causes can account for nearly two-thirds of cases of infertility.³ There are just so many different conditions and factors that impact fertility! Also, research shows that anywhere between 21 and 52 percent of women coping with fertility problems battle depression and anxiety linked to their struggles.⁴ To add to the heartbreak, research indicates that couples with infertility struggles are three times more likely to split up than other couples.⁵



What does this all mean? It means there is a huge urgency for helping people learn how to cope with infertility when everyone is pregnant—or when it seems like everyone else around you is pregnant.

1. The Challenge of Coping with Fertility Problems

But there’s more wisdom to unearth from all this research:

First of all, these numbers are not just numbers. They represent real people with real stories. Second, the mental health toll of infertility is widespread—it affects many people. Third, women bear the brunt of the depression and anxiety surrounding infertility. Fourth, there is currently a research black hole about how it affects men's mental health.⁶

So, even though you may feel like you’re coping with fertility problems all by yourself, you objectively aren’t alone. There are a lot of people struggling along the same rocky path. So, during those times when your depression and anxiety threaten to overtake you, reach out for help. Find your people and connect. Cry together, laugh together, and learn together. And don’t forget to apply significant levels of self-care and self-love as you deal with these emotions:

2. Grief and Loss: Managing the Pain of Infertility

There are few cultural guideposts for how to grieve infertility, pregnancy loss, or miscarriage. Whether you’re grieving yet another month without that coveted plus sign on the pregnancy test, you're grieving the heartbreak of a miscarriage, it’s important to recognize that you have every right to experience your grief, and nobody can tell you otherwise. Give yourself permission to cry as much as you need to. And remember, everybody grieves in their own way—there's no “correct” way to do it, so don’t judge yourself if you’re not grieving the way others do. Give yourself space for those unexpected moments when grief might pop up in your day-to-day activities, as it will. Be kind and gentle to yourself whenever that happens. Therapy and counseling to deal with grief can also help you come up with strategies to manage grief as you move through it. Also, join a community with people who have been there, so you won’t feel so alone. Here at Pulling Down the Moon we have built a community ready to listen and feel with you.

3. Anxiety and Stress: Coping Strategies for Emotional Well-Being

Whether it’s the stress surrounding an upcoming IVF cycle, the anxiety of dealing with someone’s well-meant, but insensitive comments, or questions at the family holiday gathering, anxiety seems to be lurking around every corner. This is especially true when it feels like everyone else is pregnant but you. We also know that stress and anxiety, for whatever reason, can negatively impact fertility efforts⁷, so doing whatever you can to lower stress levels is critical to overcoming infertility. Some things you can do to manage anxiety include:



• Journaling
• Exercise
• Get out into nature
• Talk with a trusted friend or family member who “gets it”
• Deep breathing exercises
• Grounding techniques (e.g.: notice three things you can see, three things you can hear, three things you can touch…)
• Identify your anxiety triggers. If they’re avoidable, avoid them. If they aren’t, work with a therapist on strategies for handling difficult situations.
• Train your mind to tell your anxiety to take a hike. It sounds oversimplified, but think about all the times you’ve survived anxiety before, and how you’ve triumphed through so many difficulties already.

Many of the holistic fertility services we offer at Pulling Down the Moon, such as massage therapy, acupuncture, yoga, nutrition, etc. are designed especially to help you relax deeply and let stress melt away. And that goes for men too!

5. The Social Pressure: How to Cope with Infertility in Social Settings

Social settings can be a minefield of potential anxiety, jealousy, and grief if you’re coping with fertility problems. Odds are, you’ll run into a pregnant friend or someone who, out of impolite curiosity, asks the wrong question. If you know ahead of time that you will be in a situation where something like this might happen, make a strategy for yourself to manage the situation.

• Talk ahead of time with a trusted friend who has your back and can intercept potential problems at the gathering
• Create an escape plan
• Take breaks from the action if you need to



If you feel like a social situation will be too much to handle, that’s valid too. You can gracefully decline invitations anytime you feel it’s necessary to protect your mental health, and that’s the truth. You’re worth it, and you deserve peace and quiet whenever you need it.

How to Cope with Infertility When Everyone Around You Is Pregnant: 6 Strategies

One of the first things to help you learn how to cope with infertility when everyone is pregnant is to be kind to yourself and recognize that coping with fertility problems is legitimately hard. Reach out for help to a community who understands what you’re going through and honor yourself and your feelings.

1. Strategies for Managing Difficult Social Situations

We’ve all been there: baby showers, holidays, family reunions, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day… these are all difficult days that come with difficult social situations for anyone struggling with infertility. Give yourself permission (and a strategy) to exit early and take breaks in a safe space. Permit yourself not to go at all if you’re not up to it. If you must be in a social situation you can’t get out of, like work or a holiday function, have a strategy for answering unwelcome questions. The quick, non-specific answer with a turnaround back to the other person is a classic way to go. Here’s one example:

• Aunt Brunhilde: “So, when are you finally going to get moving on having a family?”
• You: “Not sure. How’s your [insert any topic the other person is interested in that will totally change the subject] going?”



Depending on the person you might encounter, shutting down that line of conversation may be as simple as saying, “When it happens, it happens.” Then change the subject or head over to the cheese board.

2. Managing Social Media: Coping with Pregnancy Announcements Online

3. Self-Care Practices to Support Your Mental and Physical Health

Self-care when you’re coping with fertility problems is absolutely essential. It's not a luxury, it's a necessity for your physical and mental health, no matter where you are on your fertility journey. When you’re struggling, do not forget these self-care basics:

• Feed yourself delicious, healthy, nutritious food
• Get enough sleep
• Drink plenty of water to stay hydrated
• Exercise
• Write in a journal to release difficult feelings
• Take a long, relaxing bath
• Read a good book or watch a favorite movie
• Engage in a hobby you love
• Go for a walk in a beautiful place
• Hang out with people who support you and understand you
• Treat yourself to something special like a massage



You absolutely deserve and need good self-care when you’re going through your fertility journey. It can reduce your stress and help you cope with all the twists and turns. Look for joy. It’s there, even in the dark times.

5. Seeking Professional Support: The Role of Therapy and Counseling

6. Nutrition and Wellness: How a Healthy Lifestyle Supports Coping

Here at Pulling Down the Moon, we work a lot with nutrition and fertility. In fact, we have an entire 12-week program called Fully Fertile Nutrition that aims to help couples improve their overall health, and thereby, their chances of conceiving. But nutrition is literally for every aspect of your health, including your mental health and ability to ward off anxiety in difficult situations. There’s a lot of research indicating that getting sufficient levels of protein, fiber, omega-3 fatty acids, magnesium, vitamin B-12 and probiotics can help us cope with anxiety.¹⁰

Coping with Fertility Problems: Building a Strong Support Network

Find Hope and Support in Your Fertility Journey

If you’re struggling with how to cope with infertility when everyone else is pregnant, you are not alone. Be gentle with yourself. Reach out for help! Look into our Fully Fertile App to connect with a support system that understands. We are here to help you work on the fertility factors you can control and to comfort you when you feel like things are out of control. Schedule a holistic fertility consultation today by booking an appointment at our Chicago or Highland Park locations. We are here for holistic fertility services ranging from getting pregnant in the first place and grappling with pregnancy loss or miscarriage to supporting you with a wide range of prenatal services and so much more. Reach out today.

References

¹Xie, Y., Ren, Y., Niu, C., Zheng, Y., Yu, P., & Li, L. (2023). The impact of stigma on mental health and quality of life of infertile women: A systematic review. Frontiers in Psychology, 13. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.1093459‌

²NIH. (2018, February 8). How Common Is infertility? Http://Www.nichd.nih.gov/ https://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/infertility/conditioninfo/common

³Lin, J., & Susser, L. (2022, July 27). Recognizing the Psychological Toll of Infertility in Women. Adaa.org. https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/professional/recognizing-psychological-toll-infertility

⁴Kiani, Z., Simbar, M., Hajian, S., & Zayeri, F. (2021). The prevalence of depression symptoms among infertile women: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Fertility Research and Practice, 7(1). https://doi.org/10.1186/s40738-021-00098-3

⁵Firth, S. (2014). Study: Infertile Couples 3 Times More Likely to Divorce. US News & World Report; U.S. News & World Report. https://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2014/01/31/study-infertile-couples-3-times-more-likely-to-divorce

⁶Fisher, J. R., & Hammarberg, K. (2011). Psychological and social aspects of infertility in men: an overview of the evidence and implications for psychologically informed clinical care and future research. Asian Journal of Andrology, 14(1), 121–129. https://doi.org/10.1038/aja.2011.72

⁷Rooney, K. L., & Domar, A. D. (2018). The relationship between stress and infertility. Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, 20(1), 41–47. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6016043/

⁸Yes, And... | Psychology Today. (n.d.). Www.psychologytoday.com. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-edge-peak-performance-psychology/201801/yes-and

⁹Bentley, T. G. K., D’Andrea-Penna, G., Rakic, M., Arce, N., LaFaille, M., Berman, R., Cooley, K., & Sprimont, P. (2023). Breathing Practices for Stress and Anxiety Reduction: Conceptual Framework of Implementation Guidelines Based on a Systematic Review of the Published Literature. Brain Sciences, 13(12), 1612. https://doi.org/10.3390/brainsci13121612



¹⁰Eat These Foods to Reduce Stress and Anxiety. (2021, June 15). Cleveland Clinic. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/eat-these-foods-to-reduce-stress-and-anxiety