My husband and I started trying to conceive right away after our July 2009 wedding due to my severe case of uterine fibroids. We jumped right into fertility treatments after an initial surgery to remove the fibroids. It has now been almost two years. I have undergone two more surgeries and we have had 4 failed IVF cycles. Upon the recommendation of our Reproductive Endocrinologist, Dr. Angie Beltsos, of Fertility Centers of Illinois(FCI), we decided to pursue gestational surrogacy as a way to bring our biological child into our family.

This was not a decision that we took lightly. I still remember the time period between our third and fourth IVF cycle when we started to look into surrogacy in case it became our “plan B”. We met with an Infertility Consultant named Mindy Berkson, of Lotus Blossom Consulting. I will never forget that day. As we rode down the elevator from her office, my husband said that there was no way we could ever afford this. I remember crying the entire drive home. I knew it would be an expensive process. It can range between $60,000-$100,000, but I wanted and needed to find a way to make it work. Throughout the course of our fourth and final IVF cycle, my husband and I grew closer than ever and talked a lot about “plan B” We came to the agreement that we would figure out a way to pay for the surrogacy process.

When our final IVF cycle was not successful, I immediately began researching financial assistance for family building. In all of my Internet searching, I found that there are some varying options for couples without insurance or those that choose adoption, but nothing for couples that choose to build their family through surrogacy. I did, however; come across an event called Birdies for Babies that FCI had sponsored the previous year. Birdies for Babies is an annual golf outing that was started by Todd and Melissa Trader to raise money for a couple that has to pay out-of-pocket for fertility treatments. I immediately contacted the Traders to find out if this event might be able to help us raise money for the surrogacy process.

One thing that I have come to learn throughout this journey is that the infertility community is very inclusive and supportive to all. The Traders were no exception. After several emails back and forth sharing our fertility journeys, we realized that we did not qualify for the annual outing. However, the Traders said that they would be happy to help us plan our own golf outing. Since both of them are in the golf business, they would be able to guide us and give us the tools necessary to plan a successful event. And so the July Charity Birdies for Babies Golf Outing was born.

The past two months have been occupied by sending out fliers, sponsorship letters and donation requests. My husband and I have been truly overwhelmed by the amount of support and positive feedback we have received thus far. So many people (family, friends and complete strangers) have stepped up to the plate to help us gain support and spread the word. Throughout the course of our fundraising efforts, I have made some wonderful new connections with the doctors at FCI. Dr. Beltsos has been supportive from the moment she found out that we were going to have our own golf outing. She is helping us with the planning and promoting of our event. Another doctor at FCI, Eve Feinberg, who I have recently gotten to know is running a half marathon in June and has offered to dedicate her run to us and use her race to fundraise for our cause. You can visit her fundraising site at http://evefeinberg.chipin.com/katie-and-greg-obrien.

It is amazing to see the support that those around you are able to give when they are called upon. It truly will take a village to bring our child into the world.

Beth Heller, M.S.

CLICK HERE GET INFORMATION ABOUT THE UPCOMING MINDFULNESS TRAINING FOR FERTILITY CLASS STARTING APRIL 28, 2012

I vividly remember what my brain was like “on infertility.”  A desire so strong that it wiped out every other goal I’d ever had.  The education I strived so long for was useless, my dream job was unfulfilling and everywhere I looked I saw pregnant women that made my empty belly ache.

That was my brain on infertility; clenched around the idea of having a baby and at war with each moment that didn’t bring me a positive pregnancy test.  Studies have shown that women dealing with infertility have anxiety and depression levels equals to women with cancer and HIV and I believe them.

Living with that sort of suffering for a day is difficult.  But my journey lasted a year, and then another year and yet another.  In fact it took seven years and five pregnancies to end up with two children.  At some point the universe took pity on me and sent me a message.  ”Wake up, Beth” a voice said.  ”You are missing your life and forgetting to live.  You need to make some space around this infertility thing.”

What?

Well, I didn’t know it then but the call was an invitation to wake up from being the victim of my thoughts and attitudes.  I was being called to the concepts of “big mind” and the practice of meditation.

One of the most revered teachers in the tradition of Mindfulness Meditation, Gil Fronsdal, recently put it this way in a dharma talk.  Our brains have been conditioned to grasp and cling.  This conditioning, which we believe protects and helps us, actually limits our ability to live life fully.  Think about a hand clenched in a fist.  A fist is useful for some things, like smashing and punching.  It’s good for holding on to a rope, grasping at straws and gripping very tightly.  Now think of an open hand.  An open hand can paint, write, caress and clap with joy.  It can grip when it wants, and let go when it needs.  The soft and tender parts of the hand are hidden when the hand is clenched and exposed when the hand opens.

Now apply that metaphor to “our brain on infertility.” It’s the idea of a baby that we are grasping.  And it’s understandable – having a baby is a primal urge.  We clench with all our might around the idea that we want a baby and that we cannot be happy until we have one.  We clench on the pain of every baby shower, the sorrow of every miscarriage and the fear that maybe we will need to use donor eggs or adopt.  Our goal is to get pregnant and our happiness depends upon the fulfillment of that goal.

Let’s be clear.  This is not a personal flaw.  As humans we are culturally conditioned to grasp.  We have been trained to hold on tightly to our dreams.  We have internalized the belief that worrying about something means that we really care about it.  We learned that we must be goal-oriented and never let down our guard or lessen our effort to get the things we want. Yet there are inconvenient truths about clinging that we choose not to recognize.  First, clinging creates a tremendous amount of suffering.  When we begin to look deeply, we find that the energy of clinging is supplied by emotions of fear, jealousy and aggression.  We see that our mind functions like  a monkey swinging through the trees, reaching from one thought to the next in our desire to control, manage and satisfy our desires.  We can never find a place of  ”enough.”  It is exhausting.

Meditation is a powerful technique for learning how to “unclench” the mind and find happiness that is not dependent on anything outside ourself.   It’s simple, really.  We just sit and observe the sensations, thoughts and emotions that are present in our body and mind.  We watch our monkey mind.  We breathe.  Meditation is actually quite misunderstood.  Many people try meditation and quit because they “can’t” or “it’s not working.”   The expectation is that meditation will make them feel calmer, relaxed and blissful – I used to think I should find myself bathed in white light whenever I sat on my meditation cushion.  It is actually the reverse.  When we sit, the contents of our mind often seem turbulent and chaotic.  But the simple act of continuing to sit and observe this chaos begins to change our life outside of meditation.  At first there’s a subtle awareness of space, or “big mind.”  We are less reactive to stress, pain and suffering.  Behind the desire and aversion we find an awareness that is sensitive, flexible and joyful - independent of the outer conditions of our life.

Many women fear that becoming mindful and starting to meditate will make them passive in their quest for a child.  This simply isn’t so.  The wish for a child remains vibrant and active – it’s simply that happiness doesn’t depend on the fulfillment of this wish.  We have relaxed the grip a bit so our mind is free to explore, enjoy and create again.    Solutions and resolutions come for difficult questions because we have relaxed enough to allow them to surface.  The journey toward parenthood is still challenging, but it no longer defines us.  We find some joy again in spite of the pain.

If you can relate to my brain “on infertility,” I encourage you to learn more about meditation.  There are many opportunities to experience meditation at the Moon.  Our Reiki Meditation Circle for Women meets on Thursdays from 6 to 7 p.m. at our Chicago location.  We also teach meditation in our Yoga for Fertility program.  If you’re looking to get serious about a meditation practice, stay tuned to our website to learn more about our upcoming program “Mindfulness Training for Fertility.”  This collaborative program with the psychological support staff from Fertility Centers of Illinois will introduce you to the practice of mindfulness meditation with a specific focus on fertility.  Click here for more info/to register!

Dr. Chris Sipe of Fertility Centers of Illinois gave a great talk on Infertility Prevention at last night’s STEP UP event.   He provided a “Top 10 List” of the best  ways to avoid infertility.  We thought we’d pass them along.

1.  Don’t wait

2. Don’t wait

3.  Don’t wait

4.  Don’t wait

5.  Practice safe sex

6.  Healthy lifestyle (normal weight, exercise, healthy diet)

7.  Yearly doctor visits (health maintenance, vaccines and disease treatment)

8.  Know your family medical history (see our blog on PCOS and your mom)

9.  Pick the right guy (unhealthy men have lower sperm counts!)

10.  Don’t wait…but if you’re going to wait, consider fertility preservation.

If you’d like to schedule an appointment with Dr. Sipe, you can click here.

Summer is the season for cookouts, al fresco dining and steaks on the barbie.  Yet, all that charred animal flesh may not be the best for you favorite guy’s fertility.  Read more here.

 By Anna Pyne, L.Ac.A TCM

Polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) is a common reproductive endocrine disorder and something we frequently treat at Pulling Down the Moon. Up to 75% of women with this diagnosis do not ovulate, which is hardly ideal when trying to conceive.   In fact, it’s not until they have trouble conceiving that many women learn they have PCOS, which in addition to causing infertility can also have negative long-term health consequences including heart disease and diabetes.

In Traditional Chinese Medicine, PCOS is considered an anovulation disorder related to ovarian insulin resistance.*  Chinese medicine initially acknowledged PCOS in the 1200′s describing it as a “Tian Gui” disorder, meaning a genetic disorder with the main symptoms being cycle irregularity and infertility due to anovulation.  There are a number of TCM patterns of diagnosis to describe PCOS, the main one being a (Chinese) Kidney Deficiency. The kidney in TCM is the organ system that is regarded with any genetic disorder and considered the root cause in PCOS.  The absence of the period, and therefore the absence of ovulation is a kidney pathology.  Interestingly, modern science has just recently identified a genetic component to PCOS and now think of PCOS as a hereditary problem in which symptoms often do not present until later in life.

A secondary pattern in TCM is Spleen Deficiency, which has to do with the insulin resistance part of the PCOS diagnosis. The Chinese spleen is responsible for the metabolism of nutrients from foods, as well as the transformation and transportation of fluids in the body. In patients with actual cysts in the ovaries, TCM considers the spleen to be dysfunctional. This is also the organ that relates to weight gain. Obesity is seen in 30%-60% of patients with PCOS. By improving the function of the spleen we help regulate blood sugar and resolve the excess fluid accumulation from ovarian cysts and/or fat from weight gain.  A third, related TCM pattern is Liver Stagnation, which can manifest as blood stasis or excess heat in the channels. Blood Stasis in the channels causes hair follicles to be nourished excessively creating coarse unwanted hair. This represents the hirsutism symptom, of which 70% of patients with PCOS have. Excess heat in the channels also promotes the acne component of PCOS.

When trying to improve fertility in patients with PCOS the primary focus is to induce ovulation.  According to TCM pattern diagnosis, the main organs treated for this condition are the kidney, spleen, and liver.  Treatment using TCM pattern diagnosis is greatly successful in inducing ovulation and a skilled TCM practitioner can use a combination of acupuncture, electro-acupuncture, moxabustion and herbal therapy to treat Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. 

*Different phenotypes of polycystic ovary syndrome by Rotterdam criteria are differently steroidogenic but similarly insulin resistant. Fertil Steril. 2010 Mar 1;93(4):1362-5. Epub 2009 Sep 26.

Book an initial consultation with Anna Pyne in Chicago here.

If you build it, they will come. Co-Founders Beth Heller and Tami Quinn share their story on why they decided to create Pulling Down the Moon.